10 Ways to Encourage Your Child Without Pushing Too Hard

As a parent, it’s natural to want the best for your child. You want them to be confident, capable, and to reach their full potential - whether it’s in sports, school, or other passions. But there’s a fine line between encouraging and over-pushing.

Too much pressure can lead to stress, burnout, and even a loss of interest in the activity they once loved. The good news? There are positive ways to support your child’s growth without overstepping.

Here are 10 healthy, effective ways to encourage your child while keeping the joy in their journey:

1. Focus on Effort, Not Outcome

Praising your child for how hard they worked, rather than just whether they won or scored, teaches them that effort matters most. It also builds resilience when things don’t go perfectly.

This ties in with developing a Growth Mindset which we reinforce often in our coaching. This also happens to be a great mental strategy for going into any competitive squash match or sports performance, focussing on what you can control.

“You really focused during that practice today - I saw how hard you were trying!”

2. Ask, Don’t Assume

Instead of assuming your child wants to be the best or go to the top level, ask how they feel about their sport or hobby. It shows respect and helps guide your support.

We may incorrectly assume that they want to be the world champion of their chosen sport, when in actual fact they value the social and skill development aspects of the sport much more.

“What do you enjoy most about squash right now?”
“Do you want to train more, or are you happy with how it’s going?”

3. Let Them Lead the Conversation

After matches or training, resist the urge to critique. Let your child take the lead—if they want to talk, great. If not, give them space.

Try: “I loved watching you play today—do you feel good about it?”
Avoid: “Why did you miss that shot?”

4. Be Their Safe Space, Not Their Second Coach

Kids get feedback from coaches all day. What they often need from you is unconditional support, not more technical correction. Often I see kids looking off court during matches to check reactions from parents or perhaps coaches. I try to discourage this. Only you, the player, can help you in that moment. Looking off court is often a distraction. But this can be because they are already anticipating a negative reaction or critique that will come later on in the car home.

Try to be their cheerleader, not their drill sergeant.

5. Encourage Breaks and Balance

Even driven kids need downtime. Encouraging rest tells them that their wellbeing matters more than non-stop achievement.

“It’s okay to take a day off. Rest is part of getting better.”

6. Celebrate Small Wins

Recognising little moments like a good attitude, good sportsmanship, or bouncing back from a mistake, builds internal motivation and pride. This is a particularly important one for squash when dealing with referee’s of varying abilities.

“You handled that tough call really maturely - well done.”

7. Remind Them Why They Started

If your child feels frustrated or overwhelmed, remind them of the joy that first brought them to the activity.

“Remember how much fun you had when you first joined? It’s okay to enjoy the process, even when it’s hard.”

8. Avoid Comparing Them to Others

Comparisons, especially to siblings or teammates can damage confidence. Instead, encourage them to focus on their own personal growth.

Comparison is the thief of joy. Focusing on how they are playing now compared to 6 months ago, is a much better exercise.

“You’ve improved so much since last term - that backhand is really coming along!”

9. Teach That Mistakes Are Part of Learning

Help your child see mistakes not as failures, but as stepping stones. You win or you learn. When you model calm, accepting attitudes toward setbacks, they do too.

This one again is all about fostering a growth mindset in our young people.

“Mistakes are how we grow. Everyone goes through them - especially good players.”

10. Keep the Bigger Picture in Mind

Remember: your child’s identity is not defined by their achievements. They’re growing emotionally, socially, and mentally every time they try something new.

“I’m proud of you - not just for what you do, but for who you’re becoming.”

Final Thoughts

You don’t need to push your child to help them succeed. In fact, the most powerful encouragement often comes through listening, affirming effort, and allowing space to grow.

When kids feel supported rather than scrutinised, they’re more likely to stay motivated, enjoy the process, and reach their full potential - on their own terms.

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